How a Plumbus is Made, and Why You Should Care.

Ever wonder where the Plumbus in your home came from? Who made it? What materials did it take to make it that we wouldn’t know about just by looking at it?
First, they smooth out the dinglebop with a healthy dose of schleem. The schleem is then recycled for later batches. Then, they take the refined dinglebop and push it through the grumbo, where the fleeb is rubbed against it. It’s important that the fleeb is rubbed, because the fleeb contains all of the important fleeb juices. They cut the fleeb away, counscious of the several hizzards in the way. The blamphs rub against the chumbles, and the klubus and grumbo are shaved away. That leaves you with a regular old plumbus!
Plumbus Co. would like you to believe that they’re an ethical company, and I’m here to blow the cover off of their shtick. They invest copious amounts of money into education, public services and recreation. They erect art all over the city, fund scholarships, and sponsor summer camps and community concerts. They talk all that big talk about how “no schleem ever gets wasted, and that’s our promise for every Plumbus!” But it’s all a smoke screen. A façade to distract the public from the true horrors of this company.
What you may not know, is what happens to the klubus and grumbo. After they are shaved away to create the final product, they create a chemical byproduct with a half-life of 7,600 years that is toxic to many aquatic life forms as well as a host of other plant and animal species. The chemical compounds, when present together in water are scientifically shown to cause stomach cancer and heart disease if humans are exposed too much. You might say, “well that’s not that serious, why should we care about a little bit of klubus and grumbo in our ecosystem?” Nature does have an incredible propensity to heal itself and regenerate, does it not? See, what Plumbus Co. is not telling us is that to make each unit, the recycled schleem they’re so obsessed with only takes up 12% of the materials required, where the klubus and grumbo make up 85% of the resources required. A normal household Plumbus only weighs about 2 pounds, but for every Plumbus, 30 pounds of klubus and grumbo are dumped into the nearest water source. With a total of 3 factories in the U.S., China, and South Africa, Plumbus Co. moves about 17 million units a year. That’s 510 million pounds of Klubus and grumbo entering global water systems a year. Scientists are already noticing higher levels of toxicity in shellfish, tuna, and salmon in the coastlines surrounding these factories, and the ecological damage to the marine biology is noticeable for miles surrounding each factory. I shudder to think of a future where this continues.
The scariest part is that another Plumbus factory is opening in Canada, their stock is rising, and each year’s sales astronomically top former years. Next time you think about picking up a Plumbus because “it’s easy”, “convenient”, “not THAT bad” or because “grandma would really like it” remember the true cost. And that’s just ONE product. Imagaine what it takes to make a pair of jeans?

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